I thought I would be way farther in life by now. According to my plans I’d be graduating next year and hopefully getting married sometime in the near future. But I sit here typing this not going to school. No where near graduating. No boyfriend, no job and I have no idea what’s next.
So let me tell you about my past two years:
The first year of college was good. I decided to stay home and attend my community college. I attended classes and was searching for my major (no where close to finding one but that was okay since I was just a freshman). I continued being a leader in youth programs and loved the simplicity I had in life. The summer after my first year of college I got a job at an amazing summer camp and I was blessed by being a counselor to kids throughout the summer and sharing Jesus with them. It was a great experience. But after that summer life hit hard. I had to “grow up”. No more seasonal jobs. No more taking random classes towards nothing. I had to sit down and plan my life.
Now I am a full on planner. I love knowing exactly what’s coming next, how I’m going to get there, and how long it’s going to take. So when I sat down to plan my life and my mind was completely blank, it totally threw me off. So since nothing came to mind I thought I would just walk through life and see where it took me.
I got an amazing opportunity to become a youth ministry intern at Trinity and St. Johns for a year. It was a dream come true. I love Jesus and I love kids and this included both. Life was turning out way better than I’d thought. And then I hit a bump in the road. I enjoyed the work I was doing but I wasn’t happy. The conclusion was made between me and God that I was not meant to be a youth director, at least at this point in my life and that was one of the hardest things to hear. I thought my perfect ending was coming but it hadn’t even started.
I finished out my year and don’t get me wrong I strongly enjoyed the opportunity I had and my passion for serving youth is still so strong but that wasn’t where I was suppose to park myself. So I stood back up to try again. I decided to major in dental hygiene because..well actually there is no because. I have absolutely no idea why I chose this major, it just seemed like it could work. So I jumped in, I started taking classes towards it and life was moving. This last summer I applied for a job as an orthodontic assistant and after 3 long weeks and 3 interviews I achieved that status. And after a month of working there that was no longer. I didn’t enjoy the environment and thought there has to be something better. So instead of changing my route again I decided to try one more time. I applied for a position as a dental assistant and acquired that to my disbelief after a five minute interview. I thought this has to be fate. It’s hard to get these jobs and I have gotten two within three months. This is where I’m suppose to be.
Getting this job I was told I would be working around 25-30 hours a week. Two weeks into it I was working 8 (a big difference when I chose to take the semester off for this job). I talked to the dentist about my hours and long story short I needed to head back to the drawing board. I felt defeated. I didn’t know what to do so I headed back to what I knew best..my high school summer job as a car hop. I thought that this would buy me some time to just think about my future and hopefully before the season ended I would know where I was headed next. And well, that didn’t happen.
That was 3 months ago. And the old me would be wracking my brain trying to figure out what’s next. I’d be drawing out new plans and preparing to set them in motion. But something’s changed.
I’ve loved Jesus for the majority of my life and he has been through everything with me, but I was over that. I was over just loving Jesus; there has to be more. And I found more. More love, more grace, more mercy. I don’t just love Him anymore, I am in love with Him. My life has changed. Since I had a lot a free time these last 3 months I found myself trying to fill my time with everything until I decided to fill it with one thing, Jesus. In relationships they always says "communication is key" and well it is, especially with God. It has been life changing the amount of time I have spent with him. He has become a regular part of my day. I use to talk to Him because I need to, now it's not always a matter of "need" but of "want". ("The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth." Psalm 145:18)
I put my worth into the successes of this world and they failed me each and every time. I now put my worth in Christ and there are no plans I can make for this crazy ride. ("For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.")
I still thought I’d be farther than this. I still thought I’d almost be graduated and on the way to marriage and have a job. But I don’t. And I have no idea where God is taking me next, but I am secure in His plans. Whether it’s college, a job, a boy, a mission trip all around the world or all of the above, it doesn’t matter, because what matters is what I have, and that’s Him.
My perfect ending started a long time ago..over 2000 years to be exact ;)
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